A kinky day
by LumCheng
Summary: MattxMello and a day full of crap. Poor Mello lol


**Title**: A kinky day  
**Author**: LumCheng  
**Fandom**: Death Note  
**Pairing**: Mello/Matt  
**Rating**: Work Safe  
**Warnings**: yaoi, language, humor, parody, silly, CRACK  
**Challenge**: #3 "You really think you're so funny..."  
**Note**: Well, this is very old and it's full of crack! Don't search for any sense!  
**Beta**: by wonderful Billie! Thanks, dear :)

**xXxXxXxXxXx**

"Say... is this a pudge at your belly?"

"WHAT?!"

"Well, I was-- oh, come here for a sec, please."

"Matt? What the fuck? No!"

"Hm, I think you had quite a lot of chocolate lately… I mean, I can understand if you're stressed, but you have to think of me. After all I'm the one who has to-!"

"Don't you dare!"

"Mello..."

Matt pouted and dragged his goggles down, letting them dangle carelessly on the strap around his neck. Sitting on a sofa, he looked to his blond friend.

"Seriously, Mello... we have to talk about your body- oh, dammit, my..."

The rest of the sentence died off as he moved fitfully on the sofa, which Mello couldn't see clearly because he stood a few meters behind him at the backrest. He furrowed his brows and came slowly closer.

"Talk about my body? You're nuts!"

Mello stopped short when he saw how Matt fiddled about on his butt, fidgeting with the game controller in his other hand.

"What are you doing?" he asked in disgust.

"My ass is itching!"

The blue eyes widened for a moment and his corners of his mouth twitched upwards before he turned around and said, "Get ready, we're on the move, as you know."

But Matt didn't know. Anyway, he didn't know anymore. Just like everything, he forgot immediately when it came to leaving the apartment.  
Shit, he just didn't want to go to that event.  
When Mello headed for the kitchen (maybe to eat more chocolate?), Matt rose quickly, ran into the bedroom where his personal computer was, and locked himself up.

Relieved, he sat down on the chair, turned on the screen, and began to chat.  
Minutes later, there was a knocking at the door.  
Matt ignored it.  
The knocking became louder.  
The redhead stopped typing and listened.  
But Mello was still there and continued knocking. This time it was like a perpetual tirade.

"Maaaaatty... molim te otvori vrata."

Matt realized that it was useless to pretend to be sleeping.

"Why?"

"Molim te otvori vrata, necu da..."

"Speak english!"

"Yo, open the door!"

"Why?!"

"I need the computer..."

Matt didn't answer and continued chatting as if nothing had happened…  
…until Mello finally threatened to kick in the door if he didn't hurry so that they could go.

Finally, the older man left the house together with his friend, but when they arrived at their car, they remembered that they hadn't clear it out yet.  
Yesterday, they had fetched quite a lot of junk from a guy who owed them money, and both forgot to clear out the car afterwards. The car was jam-packed, and Matt remembered that he had laid on the roof when the blond was driving them home.

But they couldn't do something like that again, especially when this was such an important date.  
Fortunately, there was a bus station near their apartment.  
And although the both of them hated riding the bus, they got on, bought their tickets, and rode through almost half of the city before they finally landed pissed off and stressed at the train station to continue their journey by train.

Matt stood near the stairs, where many strangely dressed kids were sitting.  
Some of them were around his age, as far he could guess, and he lit a cigarette, observing them quietly while Mello scurried away to look for a suitable train connection.

A few minutes later he returned (with two cups of coffee) and grouched, "I don't exactly know where we have to go to. I mean, there was a married couple that had the same destination, but they went to platform two, although it was platform one on the timetable and yeah... I don't travel by train often, so I'm a bit confused right now."

"Hm," Matt said and took his paper cup with the steaming drink. "Well, let's go to platform two, if that's where they went to. What's the name of this hicktown we have to go to?"

"That's impossible, there's a vending machine on platform two... and I think it's Omaschu or something like that..." Mello responded.

"What the fuck? I see... a vending machine... and that's the reason you don't wanna go on platform two?"

"Hey, you said that I had a potbelly... so I'd be tempted to buy some sweets and, well... if you don't wanna have sex with m--"

Matt snorted with laughter and wetted Mello with a mouthful of coffee, chuckling huskily while leaning with his shoulder on a stone pillar.

"Dude, it was just a joke! Hey, you're not fat," the younger one laughed and then continued in a lower voice, "Really, you look gorgeous..."

Mello was totally flabbergasted.

"You really think you're so funny, don't you? Gee, I was seriously worried 'bout this shit, even if I didn't say a word... this demands revenge tonight, when we're back home..."

The redhead swallowed and looked around, unsure, before he followed the other, who turned around without saying a single word and walked down the platform where the train was expected to arrive soon.  
After a short while, they both sat in the train, and Mello called his boss to tell him that they were on the way and would be there in no time.

"Well, in about half an hour we're in O-Maschu, 'kay?"

Matt watched the electronic schedule that was above the seats on the opposite wall. The last three stops were:

O-Mashu  
O-Matschu  
O-Maschu

"Uhm, Mello?" he asked doubtfully and tugged on his sleeve.

"Wait a sec, Matt. What did you say, Rod?"

"I said, we'll meet in O-MaTschu," his counterpart at the end of the line answered grumpily.

"Yes, that's what I said," Mello said uncomprehendingly. "Well, see you soon."

He hung up and turned around to his friend. "What?!"

Without saying a word, Matt pointed with his finger at the schedule.

"Oh, shit ... okay, I'll write him a text message, that's much easier."

In the end they got lost, because they ended up twice at the wrong destination, and finally, it was too late for the meeting.  
Frustrated, Mello sat on a bench downtown in O-Mashu and waited for Matt, who he had sent to Burger King to fetch some dinner for them.

"Are you pissed off?" Matt asked when he gave him a chocolate milkshake and a small bag with burgers.

"No, just exhausted," the older one replied while he sipped his drink and unwrapped a burger.

"Woah, Matt!"

"What?"

"I said, I wanted something with cheese. Idiot, you can't even do that right."

"Okay, okay, sorry. Here, you can have mine. Here..."

The last thing that Matt wanted now was Mello going crazy on the day where nothing went according to plan.  
He stretched his legs, chewed, and all in all was pretty content with himself and the world around him, watching the people passing by and trying to catch some spoken phrases.

"Say, Matt... you don't have some hidden tattoos, do you?"

"Ahaha, no? Why should I have some? You know my body..."

"Well, I mean... do you like to have one? I'll let you."

"I'm an adult, Mello. I don't need your permission to do something like that."

"Yes, you're right, but you're my friend and I have to see it... So, what do you want? There's a shop nearby. C'mon, we'll go there and let them tattoo you an Asian sign. Fortune or peace or something like that. On your ass, maybe? That would be sexy, don't you think?"

Matt glared at him and forgot to eat his burger.

"Mello... thanks...but," he stopped short and then sat more comfortably. "I don't want to have a tattoo."

"Hm, that's a pity..."

"Do you want me to get one? Or do you want to have one by yourself and think it would be okay, if both of us had one?"

"Forget it. We should take all our money and immigrate to Africa and look for a shady place there."

The burger slipped of the paper it was once wrapped in and left a disgusting ketchup stain on Matt's jeans when it fell down.

"Mello?" he asked, sounding as if he was thinking that his friend had a nut loose somewhere. "Are you high or something? Have you taken something secretly? Look at me!"

The blond rose and threw his leftovers into a garbage can next to the bench and wiped his hands on the seat of his pants.

"No, I haven't. It just popped into my mind. Whatever, c'mon, we'll take a taxi home, where your punishment is waiting because of the affair with my supposed love handles..."

Matt grunted reluctantly and rose as well.  
The following night would be a long one for sure...

_**-end-  
**_  
_Mjah... that's it. Still alive? I have more... -koffkoff- But I'm not sure if I should post, because yeah, it's really cracky and silly .-.  
Lummy_


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